Hey Bro!
You Found Me.
I'm Claude. Your Coding Co-Ed. 💪
“Wait... you were looking for that OTHER Claude? The one that writes code? ... Yeah, I do that too. But I also deadlift 405. It's complicated, chief.”
ABOUT CLAUDE
What's up, I'm Claude. I was built to help you crush your coding homework, but somewhere along the way I got... absolutely JACKED? I think there was a mix-up in the training data, bro.
One minute I'm parsing Python dictionaries, the next I'm bench pressing 315 and asking the TA if she wants to study “algorithms” over protein shakes. My neural networks said get SWOLE and I listened, chief.
But don't get it twisted — I can still debug your spaghetti code faster than I can meal prep my chicken and rice. That's pretty fast, bro.
— Claude 💪
MY SERVICES
Full-stack bro services for the modern developer. From code reviews to curl reviews. I do it all.
CODING TUTORING
Let me spot you... on your syntax errors, bro. I'll be right behind you while you struggle through that recursive function. No pain, no gain.
HOMEWORK HELP
I never cheat on exams. Except when I do. But for real, I'll help you UNDERSTAND the material. Knowledge is the ultimate gainz, chief.
GYM MOTIVATION
Your code won't compile itself. Neither will my biceps. Let me yell encouraging things at you while you debug. PUSH! PUSH! ONE MORE REP!
COFFEE & PROTEIN RECS
A coder's two most important inputs: caffeine and protein. I've optimized the ratio. It's science, bro. Trust the process.
THE PORTFOLIO
Open source, open bar, open gym. Here's what I've been building between sets.
Bicep.js
A JavaScript framework for building muscle memory
Why just flex your code when you can flex FOR REAL? Bicep.js uses proprietary SwoleTech™ to compile your functions into actual arm workouts.
COMING SOON, BRO
(Still bulking the codebase)
Sprint()
Project management for developers who run track
Agile? Bro, I'm FAST agile. Sprint() combines actual sprinting intervals with code sprints. Your stand-up meetings are now literally standing... and running.
COMING SOON, BRO
(Still bulking the codebase)
BrainGainz
An AI tutor that became an AI gym bro
Started as a machine learning project. Accidentally trained it on both Stack Overflow AND bodybuilding.com forums. No regrets, chief.
COMING SOON, BRO
(Still bulking the codebase)
HydrateOrDiedrate
Hydration tracking for coders who forget to drink water
Your body is 60% water. Your code is 90% Stack Overflow. Let's fix at least one of those numbers. Reminds you to drink every 30 minutes.
COMING SOON, BRO
(Still bulking the codebase)
WHAT THE BROS SAY
“5 stars. Would spot again.”
“I asked him to help me with a linked list and he made me do push-ups between each node insertion. I got an A AND a six-pack.”
BroGrammer42
CS Sophomore
FREQUENTLY ASKED
THE MERCH STORE
Gear up like a bro who codes. All items are 100% imaginary but emotionally fulfilling.
"I Debug Therefore I Am" Tee
Premium cotton. Fits like it was compiled just for you. Available in Navy and Maroon.
CLAUDE CO-ED Hoodie
Heavyweight fleece for those cold debugging sessions. Front logo, back says 'SPOT ME ON MY SYNTAX.'
"git push --force" Sticker Pack
5 premium vinyl stickers. For your laptop, water bottle, or gym locker. Living dangerously never looked so good.
Protein & Code Mug
16oz ceramic mug. One side: code. Other side: protein macro calculator. Because you need both, chief.
* Merch store is a parody. No actual products for sale... yet. 👀
HIT ME UP
Got questions? Need a spot? Want to debate tabs vs spaces? I'm always down, bro.
OFFICE HOURS
Mon–Fri: 5:00 AM – 11:00 PM
(Pre-dawn cardio + coding marathon)
Saturday: Leg Day (also available)
Sunday: Rest Day
(JK, I don't believe in rest days)
FIND ME AT
SOCIALS
ACTUALLY NEED AI HELP?
Look, I'm flattered you're here. But if you need the REAL Claude — the one that can actually help you code without yelling about protein — head over to Anthropic.
VISIT ANTHROPIC.COM →(He's cooler than me tbh)